Saturday, July 19, 2014

I've had a lot of practice with Phil 4:11-13 the last few weeks. I told my father that I think God is still trying to teach me that I can rely on Him, through everything, even when I don’t know what to do. My word for the year (one of them anyway) is contentment. I struggle with that. I see things that other people have that I've dreamed of having and I don’t think it’s fair that I haven’t experienced those same things yet. That’s how my mentality has been, especially when it comes to having a family of my own. I think that, then I laugh. I do have a family of my own, just not a husband and children. I have my parents, my siblings and siblings in law, plus my nieces and nephews that love me deeply and dearly. I've taken a look recently at some things that I have gone through in the past and I see how things would have been different. If I would be married with my own children, I would not have been able to do things like keep my sister’s kids when her second set of twins were born 10 weeks early and through the death of my niece-one of those twins, or being there to help take care of my father after he had his total knee replacement. Those are just two of the things that I would not have been able to do if life had turned out the way that I had planned. Then with everything with my recent car accident and car itself, God was once again hitting me in the head with a brick to get my attention. I see just how much relying on God to get me through and give me peace is so important. I have been learning the secret Paul had to his contentment. I am learning that the more I trust God and let Him work, the more peace that passes understanding I have. The more I am good with where I am in life. I know that it’s not all about me, and that’s odd to say because it’s my life. It’s about learning to grab a hold of the anchor in the storm, to be firmly planted on a stead fast rock, to not be moved. 
Natalie Grant has a song that’s been out for a while on this topic, and I've kind of adopted it as my life’s theme song. The song is “I will not be moved” and it’s me TO A T!

I have been the wayward child 
I have acted out 
I have questioned Sovereignty 
And had my share of doubt 
And though sometimes my prayers feel like 
They’re bouncing off the sky 
The hand I hold won’t let me go 
And is the reason why…
I will stumble 
I will fall down 
But I will not be moved 
I will make mistakes 
I will face heartache 
But I will not be moved 
On Christ the Solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand 
I will not be moved
Bitterness has plagued my heart 
Many times before 
My life has been like broken glass 
And I have kept the score 
Of all my shattered dreams and though it seemed 
That I was far too gone 
My brokenness helped me to see 
It’s grace I’m standing on
And the chaos in my life 
Has been a badge I’ve worn 
Though I have been torn 
I will not be moved

Here’s the link to the lyrics and video